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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in rainyocean's LiveJournal:

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Sunday, February 11th, 2007
4:34 am
Keep forgetting to update this! Did well today and yesterday. Not good the day before. Had a bloodtest today, nerve wracking experience, still recovering from the Ativan I had to take to get it done. Probably should sleep. Don't really want to.

Current Mood: okay
Thursday, February 8th, 2007
7:16 am
I'm going to say about a 6 today.
Monday, February 5th, 2007
4:51 am
Didn't do well today. Forgot my gimp. On the plus side, I've been wearing a headband every day and the top of my head is looking a lot better.

I've applied for some jobs on Monster. Haven't heard from anyone, but no one can say I'm not trying either.

Don't know what I'll do with my hair if I DO get an interview.

Current Mood: apathetic
Sunday, February 4th, 2007
5:36 am
Did pretty well today. Decided to try playing with gimp when I felt like pulling, and it worked pretty well. At least until I got sick of it.
Saturday, February 3rd, 2007
3:24 am
Pretty good today, actually.

Current Mood: calm
Thursday, February 1st, 2007
6:36 am
I'm going to say a five for today (or yesterday I guess......really should be asleep by now.) Did pretty well earlier, but not so good the last couple of hours. Probably because I need to sleep. I don't want to sleep though. Probably will anyway.

Current Mood: weird
Monday, January 29th, 2007
3:30 am
I'm going to give today's hair pulling a 6. Didn't do very well, but still did better than I have been most days lately.

Current Mood: indifferent
Sunday, January 28th, 2007
5:54 am
BLAH! That's it.

Current Mood: depressed
Friday, January 26th, 2007
5:30 am
Rough day. Don't feel like going into details at the moment. As far as pulling is concerned, on a scale of 1-10 I'd say probably about 6 or 7.

Current Mood: blah
Wednesday, January 24th, 2007
3:39 am
Today's been.....interesting.

Ok, so every time I have had a major life change in the past (twice, really) I have become suicidal. I recently graduated from college and need to find a job. I am absolutely petrified about that, as I have horrible people skills and cannot imagine getting through an interview. The little bit of confidence that I have seems to swing. It will be very, very low for a couple of weeks and then it will be high for a couple days and then low again. I'm thinking that the trick is to do it when my confidence is up, as I can't seem to make myself do it the other times. Last week my confidence was up and I filled out a job application, but they wanted three letters of recommendation that I don't have yet. Anyway, something happened today. No big deal really, but bam, all of a sudden I'm feeling suicidal again. :( It took a while, but Ryan eventually got me feeling better. Don't anyone worry, I did not commit suicide and I will not do so. As much as I wanted to, the fact is I could never do it because I love Ryan too much. I couldn't do that to him and I couldn't leave him. I'm going to make an appointment with my therapist though.

As four the hair pulling. It's been allright today. Not too bad, but not too good either.

Sometimes I wish I could afford to check myself into a mental institution. Maybe I'd finally get the intense therapy that I apparently need.

Current Mood: stressed
Tuesday, January 23rd, 2007
3:39 am
Didn't do great today, but I think I did better than yesterday. Basically I did well earlier, but come, say, midnight I started to get worse. *Sigh* Oh well, it's something.

Current Mood: thirsty
Monday, January 22nd, 2007
3:00 am
Ok, didn't do too well today. :( Oh well. Will try again tomorrow.

Current Mood: tired
Saturday, January 20th, 2007
6:34 am
Ok, I know I haven't been here in a long time. That's not because I wanted to go away, but because I really just don't have anything to say. Anyway, I was thinking and I decided to try and post more. Here's why:

*sigh* this is hard for me.....please don't laugh at me....normally I can take a joke, but I'm really sensitive about this. I'm sure I've mentioned it elsewhere, so if anyone already knows this I apologize for wasting your time. I have something called Trichotillomania. Here's a link: http://www.trich.org/about_trich/ It's a psychological disorder in which I get very strong urges to pull my hair out, literally. I was doing better with it for a while, but I've gotten really bad recently.....one doctor I went to said that trying to stop pulling is like trying to quit smoking. I've been pulling my hair since I was about, say, 6-8 years old. i just can't seem to stop, but I need to. Lately, with the stress of graduating college and needing to find a job, combined with the stress of my mysterious health issues that make me wonder if I even COULD hold down a job, I've been pulling so much that my hair looks a total mess. This creates more stress because I know that won't go over well at interviews. I'm considering getting my hair cut short so that it's even, and I HATE having short hair.

Anyway, what's my point? I'm thinking that maybe if I try and update my journal every night on how I did with pulling/not pulling maybe it will help me to stop. Basically I'm turning this into my therapy journal (of course I may talk about other things sometimes). I know there will be nights when I don't update (such as tomorrow, I won't be home), but I'm going to do my best to update it as much as possible.

Anyway, that's my plan. Will see if it works.

Glad my account here is still active :)
Monday, June 5th, 2006
3:25 am
ONE DAY TILL THE RE-MAKE OF THE OMEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Current Mood: excited
Thursday, March 23rd, 2006
5:03 am
Hey, it was exactly 10 days ago that I wrote in this last. And 9 days before that. I think I see a pattern here.....
5:00 am
I set up a myspace page. Now the question becomes, which blog do I neglect more? I don't want either of them to feel left out!

Anyway, it's www.myspace.com/krisfrog if anyone's interested.

Current Mood: blah
Monday, March 13th, 2006
12:49 am
I've volunteered to be a big sister. They keep e-mailing me and saying someone will call me about the details. No one has called me yet.

Current Mood: bored
Saturday, March 4th, 2006
4:51 am
I'm so fed up with school. I don't know what to do, I can't put up with this crap anymore. I just want to graduate and be done with it.

I used my Hot Topic gift cards that I got for Christmas today. I got two Johnny the Homicidal Maniac comic books, a little doll of that cute little skeleton in Corpse Bride, and a pair of slippers that have pictures of "Gothic Grumpy Bear" (care bears) on them.

It seems that I most likely have a job for the Summer. I THOUGHT I had to have an interview, even thought it would be my third year working at this camp, but I got a call from the lady in charge and she set up a time for me to come in an fill out paperwork, so whatever, the less interviewish stuff the better.

Fiesta, the crummy little restaurant that is basically this town's landmark where EVERYBODY eats despite the fact that all of the food is greasy crap, changed it's menu today. it's depressing. As a vegan, I can no longer eat there. I think there's and unwritten rule that if you live in this town you HAVE to eat there, so I expect to be evicted from this hell hole any day now.

Current Mood: tired
Sunday, February 26th, 2006
4:31 am
I'm drinking water.

Current Mood: bored
Monday, February 20th, 2006
5:16 am
I hurt my ankle. I have a cast on it and I have crutches and I'm not supposed to walk. :( It's boring. I have homework to do. I am THIS close to giving up on this whole student teaching thing. I really want to be a teacher, but they are putting me through way too much crap at the moment and I don't think I can handle it anymore. I AM GOING TO HAVE A NERVOUS BREAKDOWN SOMETIME WITHIN THE NEXT TWO MONTHS! Just a warning.

Current Mood: cranky
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